High-Achieving Women

Dear Feelings, who are you?

You were fine all along, but lately, stuff you had never felt before has been interfering with your work and relationships.

Please! You are making a big deal. Let it go! Um – it’s that simple, huh!

Expectations create struggles for women.

“Little girl, you must be nice, beautiful, caring, but above all – perfect.”

You know the struggle if you identify or were raised as a woman.

“Raise your hand if you are certain you have the right answer. Only do it if you will get it right. Do not talk back!”

As soon as you hit your teen years, more stuff gets added. “Do not eat that extra piece of cake! You are getting fat.” “With that attitude, boys won’t like you.” Blah – Blah – Blah!

If it’s not perfect, don’t even try.

Nowadays, being “successful” is an additional requirement of people who identify as women. Success includes being perfect, likable at work, keeping your social life shining, skin glowing, your outfit looking perfect, and your home gorgeous and clean.

Suppose you have children, so now, you must be the perfect mom and professional. Don’t forget the ideal friend, daughter, partner, cook – and excellent at keeping it together.

And you beautifully perform so many of these amazing roles!

“I do not need enemies. I have myself.”

We are harsh, aren’t we? Of course, you can’t be perfect, will mess some stuff up, and cannot simultaneously give 110% to all areas of your life.

Not being perfect feels bad! It feels horrible! Those voices telling you that you are not good enough creates guilt, shame, and self-pity.

DESPITE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED, YOU CAN’T FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF.

Feelings of inadequacy come from many sources.

Your mom might have been rough and strict, or your dad could have expected too much from you.

That teacher or boss may have been too cruel to you.

Praise only came when you aced your grades or won that tournament.

You only feel successful when you achieve more. By demonstrating high achievement, you think you are genuinely showing people you are capable.

There is a cost.

You look great on the outside but not so much on the inside. The cost is the feeling of constantly going uphill but never getting to the top. And worse, you travel that journey joylessly.

Depression, anxiety, lack of boundaries, exhaustion, self-hate, and self-blame are the cost.

The cost of change is also high but with a better reward.

Therapy works for the future and the present.

The reward of doing something about your current state is to know self-love. Self-love can change around you and help you accept what you can’t change.

The reward is enjoying more fulfilling, lasting relationships, not being exhausted from dealing with crippling doubt, anxiety, depression, perfectionism, and never endlessly trying to validate yourself.

Come to therapy. It is worth it. I promise you that self-love, self-compassion, self-care, and self-understanding will be some of your proudest accomplishments.

Gaining a positive view of yourself can be your most significant accomplishment.

Let’s talk now!