Minoritized Experience

Am I who they think I am, or am I me?

Being the only Latinx, Black, Asian, woman, LGBTQ identified non-Christian, not abled body, immigrant, or refugee. No matter what – it ain’t easy.

Do you blend in with others or stand out? Either speaking up or staying quiet is costly and exhausting to you.

You have life experiences and challenges others don’t have. Those experiences are precious but not always appreciated or celebrated.

Aggressions come in all flavors.

“We used to have tacos,” or “There is a chicken and waffle place a block away.” em>”Your English is very good. Where are you from originally?” Surprise! You grew up in the U.S.

“You are pulling the race card.” “The way she writes, dresses, and talks is not professional. I am going to write you up next time.” “She is too emotional and won’t do a good job in that position because she will need to care for her family first.”

“Do you have a husband or wife, right?” “That was so gay.”

“The furniture does not fit my body.” They did not think of you, girl – I know it hurts.

You might have heard a version of these. You and I could write a never-ending list. Those subtle and not-so-subtle aggressions don’t feel good, hurt you, and are violent. They are not okay!

Being the Only One is a challenge.

You speak up, but it takes a lot of sweating, shaking inside, heart racing, and breathing while counting to three! Sharing your perspective is essential but may be different.

What response do you get for sharing? – silence, masculinity, hierarchy, power, whiteness telling you (professionally) that you are wrong! Dismissal!

Or you are already high-up, used to this response, and know how to stand your ground. You made it by knowing the code and how to be kind but firm. That does not mean it’s not exhausting as you constantly fight to prove yourself and work triple hard for the same recognition and place.

Being the Only One in a harmful environment hurts your mental health. That environment can make you question yourself.

Saving others makes saving yourself harder.

As a first-generation member of your family who has gone to college, learned English, or become a “professional,” you made the transition. Your parents made it, too. Look at where they launched you. They are amazing!

You are the example of success for your younger siblings and cousins… the retirement plan, the healthcare plan, the buying-a-house plan, the sibling care plan… maybe even the borrow money plan.

As a success, you are now the go-to person for providing help, making calls, booking flights, and making doctors’ appointments. Being a helper is what you have always done.

Guess what? That is a lot! No wonder you are anxious all the time. It’s time for you to receive self-care. In her 1988 book, A Burst of Life, Audre Lorde says, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.

My goal is to help you navigate those difficult environments and stop lies, aggressions, and self-doubts. It’s time to stop wondering what you did or did not say, whether you are good enough to succeed, and worrying about your professionalism.

I want to be there with you to remind you of your power and gifts. Because, darling, you are precious!